When a Fairy Tale Takes an Unexpected Turn

I dunno where our Jack’s gone

He went climbing up some plant

Will I fetch him? No I won’t!

My knee, you see – I can’t

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

I sent our Jack to market

I told him ‘Sell that cow!’

But all he got was one small bean

I mean – how could he, how?

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

And now I hear a booming voice

It’s yelling, screeching ‘FEE!’

Maybe it’s a giant

And he wants Jack for his tea!

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

And now he’s shouting something else

I think it sounds like ‘FI!’

You can’t eat Jack! Please bring him back

Scoff him? Don’t you try!

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

Hang on Jack, I’m coming up!

(That giant’s shouting ‘FO’)

Don’t you mess with me, you brute,

I’ll get you – off I go!

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

Up and up the beanstalk

(Now the giant’s yelling ‘FUM’)

Let go of him, you fiendish fart

Or else you fight his mum

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

He’s surely dead! He’s giant’s bread!

My darling boy! Bambino!

But what is this? A menu?

And the words ‘fresh cappuccino?’

No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

It’s just a coffee grinder

(Those fancy posh machines)

And all that it’s been grinding

Is a load of coffee beans?

So Jack and this ‘ere lumpish lout

Have just set up a shop

Selling fresh espresso?

Well, this thing has got to stop!

What kind of giant d’you think you are?

An absolute disgrace!

You should eat little boys and girls

Not run a coffee place!

And as for you, my Jackaboo

Where’s my golden egg?

Did I climb up here for nothing then?

Me with my gammy leg?

Giant -come back here, my dear,

Escape? Don’t even try!

I’m not so rich, but I’m a witch

And I like giant pie

The giant’s not here, he can’t be found

But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?

A blender whizzing round and round

Like something crunchy’s being ground

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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