The Real Sleeping Beauty

I’ve slept here for one hundred years

And only get a kiss? Well, cheers!

Don’t just stand there, gawping, rude,

You silly prince – I need some food!

It’s been a rather lengthy dream,

So come on, eh, some nice ice-cream?

A cake? A burger in a bun?

Oh really, prince, you’re not much fun!

And look, I’m dying for the loo!

There’s not much chance of wedding you

If all you do is stand and blush.

So get a move on, princey, rush!


Oo, look at you! A fair princess?

Your face is foul, your hair’s a mess,

And since you’ve been asleep so long

You need a bath; you really pong.

And hey – there’s fungi on your toes,

And antique bogies up your nose,

And while you may not look too old

Your fingertips are sprouting mould.

In fact, I think I might decide

To take a goblin as a bride.

They’ve got more manners anyhow

Than you have; you ungrateful cow!


Oh shut up, prince, you little creep!

That’s it – I’m going back to sleep






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