Big Headedness

The most boastful person I know

Is a girl in my school named Janet.

She always gets ten out of ten in her tests

And her head is as big as a planet.

She always goes on about how she comes first

And how we’re all rubbish and how we’re the worst

But one day she puts up her hand

And the teacher says ‘Please wait your turn’.

And we watch as her face turns tomatoey-red

And her ears seem to steam and to burn.

She screams and she yells ‘You’re a bunch of old toads’

Then she hisses and fizzes and – pop! – she explodes.

Her head all goes splat on the floor

And strange things spew out of her lips.

And then we discover she hasn’t a brain

But her head’s full of hard discs and chips.

We faint! We screech! The classroom’s chaotic!

It’s strange to discover your friend’s just robotic.

But now I am top of the class

And although I’m more brilliant than most

Yes, though I am better than any of you

I try very hard not to…

Try very hard not to…

Try very hard not to…








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