Archive for April, 2014

April 25, 2014

The Bristly Beard Song

When our pans are all slimy, our pots are all grimy,

And greasy and grotty and smeared,

We go scrub-a-dub-dub, rub-a-dub-dub, scrub-a-dub-dub with Dad’s beard!

 

It’s bristly

It’s tickly

It’s thistly

It’s prickly

It’s perfect for getting things clean.

It may be quite weird but our Dad’s scratchy beard

Is the very best scourer we’ve seen!

 

When a chair needs a polish, we’ll quickly demolish

The dirt till it’s all disappeared,

We go sanding it down, sanding it down, sanding it down with Dad’s beard!

 

It’s bristly

It’s tickly

It’s thistly

It’s prickly

It’s perfect for making things shine.

It may be quite weird but our Dad’s scratchy beard

Is a really quite brilliant design!

 

When our skin feels all rough and a little bit tough,

And some big spotty zits have appeared,

We exfoliate fast, exfoliate fast, exfoliate fast with Dad’s beard!

 

It’s bristly

It’s tickly

It’s thistly

It’s prickly

It’s perfect for smoothing our skin.

It may be quite weird but our Dad’s scratchy beard

Is the very best thing on a chin!

 

He’d have to be brave if he wanted to shave

And leave only a wee bit of stubble

We’ve told him severely and utterly clearly that if he did that there’d be TROUBLE!

 

It’s bristly

It’s tickly

It’s thistly

It’s prickly

It’s useful and has great potential.

It may be quite weird but our Dad’s scratchy beard

Is really quite simply essential!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

April 23, 2014

World Book Night Poem

Switch on your mind

And then see what you find

When you read every kind

Of a book.

Turn up the sound

Of the characters you’ve found

On the pages all around

As you look.

Shiver with some mystery,

Go back in time with history.

Slip into the life

Of the plot.

Dream up new predictions

With a work of science fiction,

Or unravel each whodunnit’s

Tangled knot.

Dystopia, utopia;

A book’s a cornucopia

Of things that people think,

Say and do.

So open up yourself

With the books on your shelf,

And you might just discover

A new you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

April 21, 2014

Write About a Minibeast

What about a bottom biter?

Horrid, nasty, blasted blighter!

First this leech-thing, lean and lank’ll

Grasp your toes and then your ankle,

Higher, higher, my, oh my!

It sees your knee and then your thigh.

Then creeping, crawling, inch by inch

It reaches up! It’s poised to pinch!

It’s nearly there! It’s seen it now;

A grab, a jab, a stab, and

OW!

 

 

 

 

April 19, 2014

Hot Livid Bun

Well how would you like it if YOU were killed

By slicing in half, and then were grilled,

First on the front, then on the back,

Left for too long till you turned slightly black,

And then (as you sniffed with your very last sob)

You were shoved down the back of some horrible gob?

Yes, of COURSE I’m cross! It isn’t much fun.

Signed, yours sincerely, your small toasted bun.

 

 

April 14, 2014

Hair

This one inspired by my youngest child, who says he only likes his hair washed on Fridays. 

 

Don’t you dare

Wash my hair!

It’s not fair!

I don’t care

If it’s grotty

If it’s snotty

If it’s tangled up and knotty

If it’s grimy

If it’s slimy

If it’s greasy all the time-y

If it’s snaky

If it’s cakey

If it’s dandruffy and flakey

If it’s crazy

If it’s maze-y

If it’s filled with bolognaise-y

If it’s home to nesting birds

Or to elephants (whole herds)

Or it all looks quite absurd!

If you do

Use that goo

Which you seem to call shampoo

And you cover it with bubbles

Then I warn you – there’ll be TROUBLE!

Don’t you dare

Wash my hair

I don’t care

SO THERE!

 

 

 

April 11, 2014

Dave’s Navel

Dave’s navel’s a cave in the mound of his belly.

It’s gloomy, it’s roomy, it’s damp and it’s smelly.

There’s no greater crater – it’s five inches wide,

And a whole host of creatures is lurking inside;

There are bugs, there are beetles, and fungi and mould,

And crumbs from Dave’s lunch that are fifty days old,

There are flakes of stale cake, there are forests of fluff,

And great jumbly jungles of junky-gunk stuff,

And if all of that wasn’t quite simply foul,

Every so often it gives a great growl.

So I really do wonder if anyone brave’ll

Take even a peek in Dave’s big cavey navel.