When Barbarous Biscuits come stomping,
When they sit on your plate and come near,
When Custardly Cookies come clomping,
Then sit up and tremble in fear.
Their fangs are made out of vicious meringues;
They have chocolate éclairs for their lips.
And what really shocks is they’re riddled with pox;
They’ve a rash made of white chocolate chips.
Their eyes are huge jammy dodgers,
Their legs and their arms, bourbon creams.
So give them a lick, or they’ll kill you – quick, quick!
And no-one will hear all your screams.
Yes, when Barbarous Biscuits come stomping,
There’s only one thing you can do:
Don’t waver! Don’t wait! Just eat the whole plate!
Or else you might find they’ll eat YOU.