My great-uncle Bertie has such a big beard;
He takes it all over the place.
The only thing is (this is ever so weird),
It is never attached to his face.
He takes it for walks on a lead down the street,
This terrible tangle of hair.
And when Bertie goes to a café to eat,
The Beard has its own separate chair.
Sometimes the Beard has a bath or a shower,
To wash out the food it’s been fed.
Bertie shampoos it for over an hour,
Then tucks it up tight in its bed.
But Bertie is worried his Beard feels alone,
So he says when he’s got enough cash
He will get it a mate which he knows will be great:
A lovely big bushy moustache.