July 21, 2014

Hands Up in Class

Please, Miss! Please, Miss! I need to tell you this, Miss!

When you want speak, boy, you must put up your hand.

Please, Miss! Please, Miss! I had it up before, Miss!

Put it up again, then! You don’t understand!

Please, Miss! Please, Miss! I can’t put up my hand, Miss!

No such word as can’t, boy, and don’t sit there and cough.

But please, Miss! Please, Miss! I had it up for hours, Miss,

And now I need to tell you that my hand’s dropped off!

July 18, 2014

One Better

Finger clicking’s easy – everybody knows!

But I can go one better; I can click my toes.

I can blink both my ears, I can waggle both my eyes,

I can nod with my navel, raise one nostril in surprise,

I can hum through my bum, I can grin with my chin,

And with my lovely lashes I can play the violin.

Oh yes finger clicking’s easy – everybody knows!

But I can go one better; I can click my toes.

July 11, 2014

Sports Day

Quick on your marks!

Foot on the line.

I’m going to win!

The prize will be mine!

Everyone ready?

Then steady, get set!

I’ll be the best!

Yes I’ll beat them, I bet!

They’ll crawl and they’ll dawdle;

They’re sluggish, they’re slow,

While I’ll whoosh like the wind.

And now one, two, three GO!

I’m flying out fast

At the front of the race,

Then stumble and tumble

And flat on my face.


July 7, 2014


The loss of our pet octopus

Was really quite a shock to us.

It didn’t even say goodbye;

Like all our other octopi

It simply waved its tentacles.

We don’t know where it wentacles.


July 4, 2014

Ice Lolly on a Sunny Day

Quick! Lick!

Icy lips.

Stuck on tongue.

Melting drips.

Nibble, nibble,

Slurp. Rush!

Chunky bites.

Lolly slush.


June 30, 2014


I’m spickled and speckled and dotty bedeckled,

I’m spotty alotty and frickelly freckled,

I’m sprinkled with splattery splodges and splashes,

And littered with largish and littlish dashes.

I laze for whole days by the sea and the sand

But I burn like a beetroot and never get tanned.

Yes, I’m polka dot peppered, but do you know what?

I like every one and I don’t care a jot!

June 27, 2014

Summer School

Miss, Miss, we can’t do this!

We can’t do sums

When we’re sitting on our bums

In the class,

And the grass that’s outside

Is so green and so wide,

And just running in the sun

Looks like so much better fun.

Miss, Miss, we can’t do this!

We can’t do grammar

When we listen to the clamour

Of the birds,

And the words are so dull,

And wind’s gentle lull

Is inviting us to play,

Not just sit in here all day.

Miss, Miss, we can’t do this!

It’s so boring that we’re snoring

And we want to go exploring

Not just sit,

For a bit on our bums

Doing literacy and sums

When we could be running free.

Do you see?





June 24, 2014

Problems Faced by Astronauts

The loo in space is difficult;

It’s very hard to have a wee.

It sort of flows back up your nose,

And all through lack of gravity.

June 23, 2014

Toffee Sunset

If you’ve ever made fudge or toffee (taffy), you’ll know how easy it is to burn if you turn your back for a few seconds. For fudge the mixture needs to reach what is known as the ‘soft ball stage’, or the ‘hard ball stage’ in the case of toffee.


Keep an eye on it. Keep an eye on it.

And I do, as the syrup sun oozes

Into caramel clouds, melting

In a soft sweetness of sky, darkening

To a honeyed perfection.

It must be setting now, I think,

It must have reached the soft ball stage.

Any sweeter and it will start to cloy.

So I watch the breeze give its final stirs,

Until for a moment, for one brief moment,

I turn my back, and when I look again

All is black; as dark and bittersweet

As treacle.


June 20, 2014

The Ice Cream Heist

This poem is a bit of a homage to the playground chants I grew up with


Who’s that sneaking,

Stopping at the freezers?

Who’s that peeking?

Two thieving geezers.

One chooses chocolate,

One sticky toffee,

One goes for butterscotch,

One plumps for coffee.

Hands in the coldness.

Three scoops, four scoops.

What astounding boldness!

Five scoops, more scoops.

Pile it in their backpacks

(Surely there’s a better way?),

Run off down the back tracks,

Make a daring getaway.

But what’s all that dripping stuff,

In a trail behind them?

This is getting gripping stuff!

Will the coppers find them?

Run away! Run away!

Footsteps quickly pelting.

Sunny day! Sunny day!

Ice cream quickly melting!

Here come the sniffer dogs,

Followed by the vice team.

Up go their noses,

Catching whiffs of ice cream!

Dogs give a quick lick,

Evidence gets eaten.

Seems like those geezers

Simply can’t be beaten!

High five! Fist bump!

Aren’t we incredible?

Let’s check out the booty.

Oops! It’s inedible!

All that lovely ice cream

Just a pool of liquid.

Who planned that heist then?

Someone really thick did!












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