September 12, 2014

Toddler Bike Race

If Ed’ll just pedal he might get a medal;

Instead he is wailing for mum.

And Michael won’t cycle; he says that his bike’ll

Just give him a lump on his bum.

Maybe young Brad’ll get up in the saddle?

But no – not one child on this ride’ll.

Instead they just slouch on the sitting room couch

Being perfectly, horribly idle.


September 6, 2014

Metamorphosis of Evening


The day has crawled to a conclusion.

But now, in the cocooning half-light,

The still, grey, silk of evening,

Surprised street lamps blink

As the night’s possibilities unfurl.

September 5, 2014

On Finishing a Good Book

Have you seen my heart?

I left it, I think,

In some squiggles and scribbles of dried-up old ink,

Where entranced (or entrapped), for ages and ages

It beat to the breath of the thoughts on the pages,

Pulsed with each paragraph, thrummed to the hum

Of the music of words, like the throb of a drum.

Have you seen my heart?

It may be mislaid.

Or rather; I finished the book, but it stayed.

I tried to remove it, but now there’s a tear

Where the book rent my heart right in two.

Just there.



September 5, 2014

Take One Cardboard Box

We’re racing through space in our rickety rocket;

I reckon we’ll get to the moon.

We’re breezing ahead past the boundaries of bedtime;

We’ll stare at some stars very soon.

No, we won’t go to sleep! We’re exploring the deep.

We’ll watch how the universe rocks.

It’s amazing the places in space you can go

When you’re thinking inside a big box.





September 1, 2014

The Pest Control Cafe

A smidgen of pigeon, a ration of rat, or maybe a forkful of fox?

And do eat a beetle! It’s battered and buttered; just bite it straight out of the box.

You can slurp up the slime from a slug for a dime. A centipede costs just a cent.

Or a chocolate-poached cockroach with wisps of fresh wasps is certainly money well spent.

Mice are quite nice served with lashings of lice, especially when hairy and moulting.

Yes, cooking up pests is the thing we do best! It’s a pity they all taste revolting.

August 29, 2014


I know my pet rhino is really a wino,

Or rather – I think that he is.

He claims that those bottles and dreg-dribbled glasses

Are not (even one of them) his.

Of course he’s just lying; it’s no use denying

Those bottles belong to my rhino.

As if he is not sitting drinking a lot

Then all of that wine must be mine.


August 25, 2014

Message to the Weather

I think that we need a quick word with the weather.

We’re rapidly reaching the end of our tether.

It might listen up if we all shout together:



Stop all that pittery-pattery pouring!

We’re all stuck indoors and it’s gloomy and boring,

So this is an order (not simply imploring):


August 22, 2014

Dad’s Bear(d)

Dad’s got a bear on his chin.

He wanted a beard, you see,

But somehow or other it sort of went wrong;

He forgot that it ends with a ‘D’.

We’ve seen the beast’s claws as they clutch at his jaws,

Though it seems that our Dad’s unaware.

He says there’s no brute and he’s simply hirsute

And that all of that fur is his hair!

‘Look’, we say, ‘Dad, are you nuts? Are you mad?

Just sniff and you’ll know that you’re wrong!

How could your hair be so iffy and whiffy?

That thing’s got an animal pong!’

And what of the noises? The grizzles the growls,

The slibbery slobbery squelches?

Dad says he’s just burping, but hey, there’s no way

That those sounds are all simply his belches!

Just look at it jiggling and wiggling and twitching!

How can Dad say that his chin’s simply itching?

That thing is alive! It’s not just Dad’s hair!

It’s ever so clearly and really a BEAR!

Yes, Dad says it’s a beard on his chin.

And he claims that he’ll give it a shave.

He’ll cut off the hair of a great grisly bear?

All we can say is – he’s brave.







August 18, 2014

To the Customer Service Manager, Sibling Department

Dear Madam,

I’m writing today to say (and I hope that this letter’s effective),

It seems that my sister’s developed a fault – her volume control is defective.

She never just speaks – no, she screeches and shrieks, and my ears have a terrible ache.

And yes, I DO mind her; whoever designed her has made quite a major mistake.

So could you arrange a return or exchange? I’m afraid that there IS no receipt,

But I’m happy to swap her for anything else.

P.S.  A TV would be neat.

August 15, 2014

Feline Gratitude

Enter room

Tail in air

Empty bowl

Icy glare.

Jump on lap

Quick purr

(Large green eyes

Soft warm fur).

Jump on floor

Mew and roll

Stomp and scowl

Stand by bowl.

Tin is opened

Tongue flick

Chomp chew

Final lick.

Empty bowl

Triumphant stare

Leave room

Tail in air.



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,491 other followers