Lioning

Never buy an iron when you could just get a lion;

Yes, a prowling, growling, grumpy scowling furry yellow cat.

Then when you’ve got some washing get your lion to do the squashing;

It can sit on all your laundry and its bum will smooth it flat.

Consequences

When polar ice is melting,

When oceans start to rise,

When all the silver frost is lost

And smudged smog smothers skies,

When forests turn to deserts,

When rain replaces snow,

When waters laps at Lapland,

Then where will Santa go?

 

Yes, when the world is thawing,

When once-green fields turn brown,

Where will Santa’s home be then?

Or will he simply drown?

And what about his reindeer,

His helpful elves, his sleigh?

How will they survive at all,

When icecaps melt away?

 

Will we try to save him,

And will we wave goodbye,

Will we have regrets at all,

That Santa has to die?

When children don’t get presents

And howl and scream and fuss,

Then will we say, ‘We did this.

This mess was caused by us?’

 

 

Treasure

My schoolwork’s as brilliant as treasure.

I know this as when Teacher checks,

He reads every line on this homework of mine

And then marks each reply with an X.

Bertie’s Beard

My great-uncle Bertie has such a big beard;

He takes it all over the place.

The only thing is (this is ever so weird),

It is never attached to his face.

He takes it for walks on a lead down the street,

This terrible tangle of hair.

And when Bertie goes to a café to eat,

The Beard has its own separate chair.

Sometimes the Beard has a bath or a shower,

To wash out the food it’s been fed.

Bertie shampoos it for over an hour,

Then tucks it up tight in its bed.

But Bertie is worried his Beard feels alone,

So he says when he’s got enough cash

He will get it a mate which he knows will be great:

A lovely big bushy moustache.

Alligator

Alligator, Alligator,

Can we not get pally later?

Yes, you’ve got a handsome smile,

But could we leave it, just a while?

Your teeth? Oh yes, they’re very white,

But Ally, maybe not tonight.

I’m sure you’re quite a charming chap

It’s just that, er, perhaps, well…

SNAP!

I think I’d really better go.

Goodbye, and um, enjoy that toe.

Nervousness

Butterflies flittering

Butterflies fluttering

Butterflies murmuring

Butterflies muttering.

Butterflies writhing

And butterflies wriggling

And butterflies squirming

And butterflies jiggling.

Butterflies, butterflies,

Butterfly scrum.

Butterflies, butterflies,

All in my tum.

Fog

A cloud’s sitting down on the top of the town;

It’s using the roofs as its chair.

I wish it would go. So hurry wind – blow!

And take its big cloud-bum elsewhere.