Let Us Bless the NHS (a secular prayer)

Let us bless the NHS,

The nurses and the wounds they dress,

The cleaners mopping every mess,

The doctors working under stress.

Yes, let us bless the NHS.

 

Let us praise, for evermore,

The staff on every ward and floor,

Who mend the sick and cure each sore,

And health and happiness restore.

Yes, let us bless the NHS.

 

Politicians, hear our plea:

Let us laud it, let it be,

For ever ours and ever free,

From birth and to our death, and then,

For generations still. Amen.

Valentine’s Gift

I’d love to lick you all over,

You lovely and luscious young dream.

I’d love to cram you inside me;

You’d taste of the creamiest cream.

I wish I could have you forever,

My own, sweet wonderful heart.

Just one look at your own dear wrapper,

And I know that we never can part.

I’ll feast on you, gorge you, my darling,

Till I’m full up of love to my brim.

Oh my dear chocolate bar, you’re my best thing by far,

Too good for my boyfriend. Stuff him!

Speggulation

Did Humpty Dumpty fall?

Or was somebody coming to find him?

When he sat by himself on that wall,

Did somebody come up behind him,

And give him a push, and a whack, whack, whoosh –

Some horrible murderous fellow,

Who left him for dead with his poor battered head,

His yolk running oozy and yellow?

Tissues

I’ve got lots of issues with tissues.

They’re paper, so each time you sneeze

You’re using up wood, which isn’t too good.

Just think of those poor chopped-down…

Think of those poor chopped-down

Think of…

ATCHOO!

Those poor trees.

Eggs

Scrambled, omelette, boiled or fried?

Flap flop flipped, or just one side?

Runny oozy yolk or hard?

Wibbly still, or slightly charred?

Eggs like this? Or eggs like that?

Or eggs like…oopsie, doopsie, SPLAT!