Archive for September, 2013

September 30, 2013

Get Stuffed

Do stuff! New stuff!

Specially made for you stuff.

Can’t get enough stuff.



Always get the latest stuff,

Always get the greatest stuff,

Can’t get enough stuff.



All-in-fashion nice stuff,

No matter what the price stuff.

Can’t get enough stuff.



Must be like your neighbour stuff,

Even if slave labour stuff.

Can’t get enough stuff.



Deplete the world’s resources stuff

By advertising forces stuff.

Can’t get enough stuff.



Redefining need stuff.

Driven by our greed stuff.

Can’t get enough stuff.






September 27, 2013

Shepherd’s Pie

Why, why, shepherd’s pie,

Shepherd’s pie for tea again?

Why, why, shepherd’s pie?

I’m bored of shepherd’s pie, said Ben.

I don’t like chicken, don’t like ham;

The only meat I’ll eat is lamb.

I won’t eat pasta, don’t eat rice,

Though mashed potatoes – they’re quite nice.

I’ll not eat things too tough to chew.

I’ll never try a dish that’s new.

But somehow still, I don’t know why

You always give me shepherd’s pie.

Why, why, shepherd’s pie,

Shepherd’s pie for tea again?

September 23, 2013


The cat

Just sat

When I said: Was it you?

Who stole all our supper of dumplings and stew?

Who guzzled the chips,

Who gobbled the ham,

Who nibbled the bread

That was spread with red jam?

Whose tongue went flick-flick

As it licked the cream cheese?

And who kicked, slyly slick,

At the little round peas?

But the cat

Just sat,

Then gave a small roll

As she pointed a paw at her small metal bowl,

As if she was saying ‘But surely that’s fine?

I shared all your food; you’re welcome to mine’.








September 20, 2013

Organic Veg

Don’t panic, don’t panic, our veg is organic;

It’s natural as natural can be.

It’s herbicide, pesticide, germicide, wormicide,

Bugicide, slugicide free!

Have a beetle or two in your butternut stew,

Or how about centipede cheese?

And woodlice are nice if they’re done with fried rice,

Dished up with a serving of peas.

A pie must be tried with a spider inside

(The one from our curly green kale),

And beetroot is never so sweet or complete

Unless there’s a slug or a snail.

Don’t panic, don’t panic, our veg is organic!

A bug is so good; you must try it.

But just in case everyone wants one as well,

Do you think you could kindly keep quiet?










September 16, 2013

The Reader

Excuse me, would you be so kind

To have a very little look;

I think I left my mind behind

Inside the pages of a book.

September 13, 2013

Peculiar Pets

At the moment I’m doing some very self-indulgent writing, working on a project entitled ‘Peculiar Pets’ in which I write a poem involving a strange pet beginning with each letter of the alphabet. I’m not going to post the poems on here, just in case some lovely publisher ever decided they wanted them (I live in hope), but here’s the introduction.


Houses make good habitats

For puppy dogs and tabby cats

For guinea pigs and little mice;

Fluffy, friendly, cute and nice.

But why not get a different pet,

The kind that makes your parents shout,

The sort that makes them faint away

And whisper weakly ‘Get it out!’?

They sometimes snap, they sometimes squeeze,

They cannot sit and be ignored.

But get a pet like one of these,

And you will never once be bored.

September 9, 2013


Violet O’Flynn on her vile violin

Does practice each morning at dawn,

While I play the trumpet by tooting my crumpet

And hooting my tuneful cream horn.


Violet’s fantastic at sport and gymnastics

And often goes out for long strolls,

I can’t do handstands or backflips in bandstands;

I can, though, do great sausage rolls.


Violet’s aware of all current affairs

And she always gets ‘A’s in our school.

But I have more fun with a large currant bun

And I’m brilliant at playing the fool.





September 6, 2013


Once I saw an alligator

Going up an escalator

Dressed in silly frilly boots.

But all the people dressed in suits

With stiff-starched shirts and shiny shoes,

Their noses pressed in morning news

Of companies and stocks and shares,

Remained completely unawares.

The alligator caught my eye

As if to say ‘Oh really, why

Are grown-ups so absurd?’

And then it carried on, unheard

By everyone except for me.

But that is how it is, you see.



September 2, 2013


Grit my teeth

Stick out my tongue

Give off a venomous stare.

Cross my fingers

Raise my eyes

Look like I just couldn’t care.

Mope and moan

And grizzle and groan

And yell that it’s all so unfair.

Plot revenge

Stamp my foot



I said it, so there.