Snails

Like snails, we all have our own little shells.

And though you might think this quite risible,

Remember that snails’ shells are easily seen,

While ours are still there, but invisible.

Stargazing

I gazed up at the stars tonight;

Those gleaming, beaming points of light,

Each one a tiny shining speck.

And now I’ve got an aching neck.

There Was a Young Woman…

There was a young woman who lived in a queue.

So many people! But what could she do?

She waited for minutes, she waited for hours,

Through sunshine, through snowstorms, through thunder, through showers.

She waited for weeks, day after day.

Her face got all wrinkled, her hair turned quite grey.

She waited for months, she waited for years,

Till one afternoon, to the sound of loud cheers,

She got to the front of the queue, one December.

But why was she queuing? She couldn’t remember.

Why Not Do Some DIY?

Why not do some DIY?

It’s really easy – have a try!

You’ve got a set of shelves to make?

A doddle! Breeze! A piece of cake!

Let’s find the things you need to use:

Some nails, a hammer, drill and screws.

Then make a hole, that’s right, like that.

Oh whoops! You almost drilled the cat.

But never mind. Now use those screws.

Your pants are fastened to your shoes?

Oh, not to worry. Leave them there

And go and buy another pair.

Now give that nail a little bash.

Oh dearie me, what was that crash?

What’s that you say? The wall’s come down?

Well clear it up! No need to frown!

Next get that plank. The roof’s caved in?

Just shove the ceiling in the bin!

That plank is not entirely straight,

But still, be proud, it’s looking great!

The house collapsed? Don’t sit and cry.

It’s fun to do this DIY!

Your home is kind of wrecked, I know.

But why not mend it, have a go!

After all, you made that shelf,

And hey, you did it all yourself!

Traffic Jam

I know an old lady who swallowed a bike.

I don’t know why – it’s a strange thing to like.

Then to nudge out the bike she swallowed a car.

She gobbled it down, but it didn’t go far.

So to push out the car, she swallowed a bus

(The passengers made the most terrible fuss!)

And to shove out the bus, she swallowed a truck,

But it got half way down and it soon became stuck.

So to heave out the car, she swallowed a digger,

Then said to herself, ‘I need something bigger’,

And what she did next was swallow a plane,

(With the engines and all – just imagine the pain!)

‘I’m ever so full’, she said, ‘that I am,

‘And all of this traffic has made quite a jam!

Maybe these things all taste better on bread’.

But she didn’t find out, as now she’s dead.