When a Fairy Tale Takes an Unexpected Turn
I dunno where our Jack’s gone
He went climbing up some plant
Will I fetch him? No I won’t!
My knee, you see – I can’t
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
I sent our Jack to market
I told him ‘Sell that cow!’
But all he got was one small bean
I mean – how could he, how?
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
And now I hear a booming voice
It’s yelling, screeching ‘FEE!’
Maybe it’s a giant
And he wants Jack for his tea!
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
And now he’s shouting something else
I think it sounds like ‘FI!’
You can’t eat Jack! Please bring him back
Scoff him? Don’t you try!
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
Hang on Jack, I’m coming up!
(That giant’s shouting ‘FO’)
Don’t you mess with me, you brute,
I’ll get you – off I go!
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
Up and up the beanstalk
(Now the giant’s yelling ‘FUM’)
Let go of him, you fiendish fart
Or else you fight his mum
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
He’s surely dead! He’s giant’s bread!
My darling boy! Bambino!
But what is this? A menu?
And the words ‘fresh cappuccino?’
No, Jack’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
It’s just a coffee grinder
(Those fancy posh machines)
And all that it’s been grinding
Is a load of coffee beans?
So Jack and this ‘ere lumpish lout
Have just set up a shop
Selling fresh espresso?
Well, this thing has got to stop!
What kind of giant d’you think you are?
An absolute disgrace!
You should eat little boys and girls
Not run a coffee place!
And as for you, my Jackaboo
Where’s my golden egg?
Did I climb up here for nothing then?
Me with my gammy leg?
Giant -come back here, my dear,
Escape? Don’t even try!
I’m not so rich, but I’m a witch
And I like giant pie
The giant’s not here, he can’t be found
But what’s that noise, a grinding sound?
A blender whizzing round and round
Like something crunchy’s being ground
Taking Words for a Stroll 