Archive for August, 2014

August 29, 2014


I know my pet rhino is really a wino,

Or rather – I think that he is.

He claims that those bottles and dreg-dribbled glasses

Are not (even one of them) his.

Of course he’s just lying; it’s no use denying

Those bottles belong to my rhino.

As if he is not sitting drinking a lot

Then all of that wine must be mine.


August 25, 2014

Message to the Weather

I think that we need a quick word with the weather.

We’re rapidly reaching the end of our tether.

It might listen up if we all shout together:



Stop all that pittery-pattery pouring!

We’re all stuck indoors and it’s gloomy and boring,

So this is an order (not simply imploring):


August 22, 2014

Dad’s Bear(d)

Dad’s got a bear on his chin.

He wanted a beard, you see,

But somehow or other it sort of went wrong;

He forgot that it ends with a ‘D’.

We’ve seen the beast’s claws as they clutch at his jaws,

Though it seems that our Dad’s unaware.

He says there’s no brute and he’s simply hirsute

And that all of that fur is his hair!

‘Look’, we say, ‘Dad, are you nuts? Are you mad?

Just sniff and you’ll know that you’re wrong!

How could your hair be so iffy and whiffy?

That thing’s got an animal pong!’

And what of the noises? The grizzles the growls,

The slibbery slobbery squelches?

Dad says he’s just burping, but hey, there’s no way

That those sounds are all simply his belches!

Just look at it jiggling and wiggling and twitching!

How can Dad say that his chin’s simply itching?

That thing is alive! It’s not just Dad’s hair!

It’s ever so clearly and really a BEAR!

Yes, Dad says it’s a beard on his chin.

And he claims that he’ll give it a shave.

He’ll cut off the hair of a great grisly bear?

All we can say is – he’s brave.







August 18, 2014

To the Customer Service Manager, Sibling Department

Dear Madam,

I’m writing today to say (and I hope that this letter’s effective),

It seems that my sister’s developed a fault – her volume control is defective.

She never just speaks – no, she screeches and shrieks, and my ears have a terrible ache.

And yes, I DO mind her; whoever designed her has made quite a major mistake.

So could you arrange a return or exchange? I’m afraid that there IS no receipt,

But I’m happy to swap her for anything else.

P.S.  A TV would be neat.

August 15, 2014

Feline Gratitude

Enter room

Tail in air

Empty bowl

Icy glare.

Jump on lap

Quick purr

(Large green eyes

Soft warm fur).

Jump on floor

Mew and roll

Stomp and scowl

Stand by bowl.

Tin is opened

Tongue flick

Chomp chew

Final lick.

Empty bowl

Triumphant stare

Leave room

Tail in air.


August 11, 2014

Bored Games

We’re all getting bored,

So Dad says let’s play some board games.

Bored games.

Board games.


Some ‘Hurry, roll the dice’ games.

‘Children! Just be nice!’ games.

‘Quick, take a card!’ games.

‘This is far too hard!’ games.

‘Come on it’s your turn’ games.

‘Won’t you ever learn?’ games.

‘Hey! That’s unfair!’ games.

‘So? I don’t care!’ games.

‘Right – I’ll check the rules’ games.

‘You lot are such fools!’ games.

Going on for years games.

Tantrumming and tears games.

Dad’s hard to beat games.

OK, then we’ll cheat games.

‘What? You can’t do THAT!’ games.

‘Don’t be such a brat!’ games.

‘Ha! Dad, I’ve won!’ games.

‘Told you they were fun!’ games.

‘Play another game?’ games.

‘Nah, they’re all the same, games’.

Bored games.

Board games.



August 8, 2014

What I Detest About Toast

The thing I detest about toast, the most,

Is unless you are quick with the butter knife – flick!

Then it gets far too cold for the butter to spread

And your toast sort of stares, like it’s bitter old bread,

All horrid and hard and full of contempt

For your paltry and pitiful toasting attempt.

That’s what I detest about toast.

August 5, 2014

The Sulk Song

Sometimes I think that I can’t do a thing

And I’m rubbish at all that I do.

But then I slump down with a scowl and a frown

And remember there’s one thing that’s true:

I’m stupendous at sulking, I’m marvellous at moping,

I’ve tantrums right down to a ‘t’.

I’m brilliant at brooding, my griping is great,

And there’s no one as moody as me.

When it’s time to be cross I’m the best – I’m the boss!

To beat me’s tremendously tough.

So buzz off, goodbye! And don’t you dare try!

As I’m off on a hundred-year huff.