Reindeer

Santa dear, your reindeer are being quite a pain, dear,

They’re dashing, dancing, prancing, dear, and making quite a din.

And I’m sure I saw a hoof, dear, poking through my roof, dear,

Please, Mister Santa Claus, oh please don’t let them in!

Santa dear, your reindeer are doing it again, dear!

They’re flailing, falling, brawling, dear, and oh – was that a clunk?

Now Santa, let’s be very clear; I think you’ve lost your sherry, dear,

The one I put aside for you. Dear, are your reindeer drunk?

Santa dear, your reindeer are sliding down my drain, dear,

They’re singing, ringing, ding-ding-dinging – help, they’ve got your sledge!

The cops should test their breath, dear, or else they’ll meet their death, dear,

Oh look! Those silly animals have crashed into a hedge!

 

 

The Fairy on the Tree

They told me that I was the star of the tree,

They told me that I was the best.

They said to me ‘Fairy, just look! Can’t you see

That you’re better than all of the rest?’

Flattery made me all flittery, fluttery,

‘Wow!’ I thought ‘aren’t they so kind?’

But now I am stuck (and still cursing my luck)

With a pine tree rammed up my behind.

 

 

 

O Christmas Tree

There’s tinsel and baubles all bobbly with glitter,

And angels that flutter and fairies that flitter,

A sprinkling of twinkling pink lights on long strings,

Some part-painted pine cones and all sorts of things!

There are gold-glowing snowflakes and ribbons and robins,

And candy canes, paper chains, buttons and bobbins,

And sledges, and wedges of chocolatey goodies,

And ho-hoing Santas all dressed in red hoodies,

And holly and ivy and bursts of big berries,

And oranges, lemons, and even some cherries!

And penguins and polar bears (aww, aren’t they cute!),

And bells and tin trumpets that tooty-tooty-toot,

And cotton-wool snowmen, all rather home-made,

And then twenty-five metres of silvery braid,

And far, far, beneath them, although you can’t see,

Somewhere or other, there might be a tree.

 

 

His

I don’t want much, no, I don’t want a lot.

I just want the toy that my little brother’s got.

Not bothered what it’s used for, not bothered what it is,

I don’t want the same thing, I JUST WANT HIS!

You can give me any other toy; I couldn’t really care,

But unless I have my brother’s toy it’s JUST NOT FAIR!

Now don’t you be all smart with me and try to say it’s fine,

As I’m not doing swapsies; he can’t have mine!

I don’t want much, no, I don’t want a lot.

BUT GIVE ME THE TOY THAT MY LITTLE BROTHER’S GOT!

 

 

Nursery School Nativity

Cinderella swept the kitchen

Dreaming of a ball,

When Fairy Gabriel appeared

And bawled out ‘Joy to All!’

Then Mary had a little lamb;

She washed its flock by night.

Three bears brought baby Jesus gifts

(The third gift was just right).

Three pigs had built three mangers,

Of bricks and sticks and straw.

The Big Bad Wolf cried ‘Holy Cow!’

And gazed at them in awe.

Snow White came floating from the sky.

Oh dear! The poor thing fell!

But hark! What ring? What ding-a-ling?

Thank god! The lunchtime bell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bears

Little Lizzie wasn’t careful

In the woods, so dark and bearful.

Toddling round, a bit unsteady,

Lizzie saw a ‘fluffy teddy’.

‘Awwwww’, she lisped, ‘tho thweet! tho cute!’.

And now, I fear, the poor girl’s mute.

In fact that child has lost her head,

And all because of hungry ted.

Bu then, I’m not at all surprised

That bears will not be patronised.

 

 

 

Purrfection

I used to have a cat called Gin

Who was, quite sadly, far too thin.

And so I got a catalogue

And bought myself a fatter mog.